after a bath

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Out, damned testicles, out!!

Then I saw the silvery blade of his dagger withdrawn from it's scabbard, and with the foulest of thrusts, plunged into my junk. His fat-kidneyed fustilarian wench laughed with the loathsomest of noises from her hellish bowels and alas my balls lay, not from whence they came but upon his board. And when I beheld the sight before my eye I cursed them two "Thou beslubbering dizzy-eyed bitch-wolf heathens!!!" and they turned their paunchy open-arsed vassal selves toward my own way with not a pang of remorse nor regret, but merely the grin of scoundrels.



Wednesday, June 23, 2010

OH NO!!!!

balls, nuts, plums, rocks, bollocks, nads, gonads, nuggets, cracker Jacks, stones, kerbangers, marbles, tenders, cullions, bells, pelotas, nutsack, bollocks, family jewels, gems, cojones, junk, package, man jigglies, man tonsils, knackers, cods, love spuds, hanging brain, tokkers.

Yes, a list of terms for my testes, which will be removed, without my consent, at the veterinarians tomorrow. It's a sad sad day.


Saturday, June 19, 2010

oh scruffy

Today I made a new friend. Scruffy. Someone came over today and she bought Scruffy with her. He's about 4, or so, a bit smaller than me, but he was fun. We played in the backyard for a few hours and then I fell asleep. Playing takes a lot out of me, but I'm slowly getting stronger. I've also discovered barking is good for a laugh, at least for me, my parents don't like it too much however and are trying to teach me the 'quiet' command. Anyway, I know I've been a little behind in my posts, and my apologies go out to you all, so I snuck off to write this quick post in the middle of the zombie movie on television. It's the one where the army have a super virus that there is no known antidote for, and in an attempt to protect all of humanity, they keep it in a top secret underground laboratory in a thin glass canister. The knuckleheads that work there forget to put it away one night and it rolls off a bench and shatters all over the floor spewing green smoke everywhere, and infects the old guy that cleans the halls at night, who on his way home sneezes on the waitress at the local diner, who then goes and eats her boyfriends brain when she finishes her shift. Really one of the all time classics if you ask my Dad, right up there with 'The Birds' and 'The Shining'. I promise to tell you what happened in my next post.